New Vision... I can see clearly now...

Sugar levels have been under good control for the last few days. Strange things have been happening though. My glasses don't work.

When I put on my glasses my vision is more blurry then without... So, maybe the diabetes kept me from seeing properly.

I feel my energy levels picking up & although I haven't really started working out yet. I've been trying to stay active.

Taking walks and riding my bike.

Feeling alive for the first time.

A really bad week....

Ok.... I'll say it..... THIS WEEK SUCKED!

I know it's Tuesday... but starting from last week Tuesday to today a lot has happened.

I am a firm believer that the bad in our life teaches us how to appreciate the good. We can only go as high as we've gone low.

So last week I had a doctors appointment at 2:15pm. I left work a little early to make it on time. I am not exaggerating at all when I tell you the doctor didn't even get in the office until 5:30. I waited all that time because, well I had some questions that needed answers.

I got in the exam room at about 6pm, and saw the doctor at about 6:15. Since my wait was long I decided to hit him with everything that's been going on. I'll spare you the details though.

It only took a couple of minutes to get a diagnoses... Diabetes. Type 2.

It has been something that's been in the back on my mind for a long time now. I almost think I put off mentioning certain problems because I knew what the outcome would be.

My glucose level was at 432.... and the doctor sent me on my way with a Glucose Meter (Without instructions), and a prescription. Metformin & Glipizide. We also altered my Blood Pressure medication because a water pill when your diabetic is a cruel sick joke.

He didn't even tell me what I should be looking for.... What to do if my sugar was high. Anything. Just eat less carbs and sugar. I'd like to thank my friend Scott Xavier for helping walk me through everything... It would have been a lot scarier without him.

So, I really want to switch doctors.... but he did give me a couple of referrals I'd like to use first. A nutritionist and for some blood work. I also want a follow up visit with him so I can obtain that info for my next doctor.

I think my insurance is going to make me wait 30 days in between switching doctors so I want to be prepared for the wait.

The Friday I started getting this nasty cough... then fever, then runny nose, then an onslaught of symptoms the likes of which I haven't seen since I got Mono at the age of 15.

Saturday found me even worse. The fever had no broken.

I called the insurance and they told me to head to the ER.

ER was another 5 hours of waiting. And after all that they said I was positive with Flu A.

They perscribed me what they would give you for Swine Flu though.

But they did this only because as the nurse proclaimed to me.... there is too much red tape with doing the test for the Swine Flu. She said she wasn't even sure what steps needed to be taken to get this test done anyways. And that a flu is basically a flu. They are all pretty much the same.

By the way... ever have a swab done for the flu? It's horrible... run even if you hear it being mentioned. I mean they jam a Q-tip way up your nose... like I think I forgot who my 4th grade teacher was now.

Anyways... I don't have the swine flu because I am feeling much better. I still have a nasty cough though, but these things could linger for awhile.

I decided I want to take a positive approach to the Diabetes. I will beat it and eventually get off these meds. By the way my sugar is at 94 now.

Special thanks to everyone who has given me love and support in the past week. You guys know who you are, and you'll probably not even read this... But you all Rock!

Memorial Day Weekend...

This memorial day I am filled with a lot of feelings.

It's been blasted all over the web and TV, about the torture that was performed in Gitmo. Water boarding is cruel and unusual punishment that we don't even put our own criminals through. I mean if anyone deserved this wouldn't it be Drew Peterson.

But we don't do such things, because they are cruel tactics.

We will however do it to people that will never be convicted of any crime though. In the last 4 years we have made 3 convictions from Gitmo. That's it 3.

I know that we can't bring to trial somebody from a different country with our laws to determine their guilt... but there should be some kind of trial for these people. Even if they are terrorists. That means that they have won. We have lowered our standards to torture these people.

We as a country have failed.

These are War Crimes.... if not, I'd sure like to know what is.

We should persecute everyone involved. So what if you were the bottom staff that was just following orders... you knew it was wrong.

Hmmmm Job vs Humanity.... I know some people would still pick Job and that sickens me.

I will think of all the people who have given there lives in this and every war. That have fought for my freedom.

I will think of all the people who have died for something that they believe in so I can shout from a mountain that I am a Pagan.

All the people who have helped in making the US.

But I think that we have some explaining to do to the world. Not everyone. Just the ones responsible for this torture.

Being Sick & Awake For All Of It!!!!!!

I'm sure we all hate being sick. Why am I blogging about it at 337am? That's a good question... because I'm still up.

I had a problem with insomnia that would keep me awake all night long when I was younger. I spent my life on 3 hours of sleep a night, if I was lucky. Those days were behind me. I started taking melatonin and it just kinda got my sleeping hours more regular.

Everyday around 11pm my internal clock tells me it's time for sleep. I've been sleeping 6-8 hours a night. I felt great. My anxiety was in check.

Now I'm afraid that this cold might just reset my internal clock to what it was before.

I know it's probably because I am so doped up on cold meds that this is happening, but who knows.

Day #2 of no sleep.

Age Old Debate. Evolution vs Creationism

This is clearly another Science vs Religion debate. Science tells us that without Evolution it would be impossible for life to exist on Earth in the form that it does.

There is countless areas this is proven in the eyes of science.

Although Evolution seems the most logical idea... a friend of mine brought up a very good point. The human eye is so complex in it's nature... How could evolution explain this?

I understand the argument of light sensitive one cell animals...

But that's a huge difference to how the eye focuses in on even the most minimal details.

What about if it's possible for both... Evolution guided by the hand of a god?

Even the Bible supports this train of thought.

If we do not take the Bible literally. To a god, which is immortal, time is not measured in the same way.

So it could be tens of thousands of years to our day. The 7 day creation story? It could have taken millions of years in between days. It supports the idea of evolution.

If a god created the world without Evolution... Why would certain foods be good for some people, but not others. Salt to somebody with Hypertension is almost poison. To others it's be linked to helping control depression. And what about people that are allergic to certain foods.

I am allergic to Milk and Soy... eating them will not kill me. But gives me GERD, Sleep Apnea, etc. While others will die from eating the wrong foods.

Why would a god create an environment that's so unstable.

Everyone would be able to eat the same food with the same response. God created us all equal? Not really.

Just some thoughts.

Essence of People Long Past...

Most of you would probably agree with me that even after somebody is past, you can sometimes feel them.

I had one of those experiences today.

I was driving home, and happened to look off into the distance for a second... and there it was. I felt my mother. I felt her as if she had never passed, and was sitting next to me.

I used to feel my Father when I was younger, but he's been gone for 20 years now.

My Mother, it's been about 10 years now.

But, this was different.

When you haven't seen somebody for 10 years it feels a certain way. Almost nervous mixed with a tingle of excitement.

This felt like I had just seen her yesterday.

I don't really know what to make of this though.

I know it was a message to me. I know that she wanted me to know that she's close. I just don't know why all of a sudden it would hit me like this, but feel as if it's really no big deal. When everytime I would feel my Father it was like I hadn't seen him for some time.

No Longer

I can no longer trust you.

Not the words that you say. Not the person you are. Not the actions you take. Not the smile that says you care.

I can no longer trust you.

Not that you understand me. Not that you get me. Not that this means anything. Not that you're ok.

I can no longer trust you.

Not that you would come to me if things weren't right. Not that "nothing" means "nothing." Not that you believe in what we had.

But yet you've promised me so much. I really thought you believed in me. I thought that you saw something that others don't.

Every promise you made... how do I know it's real.

It all started with one lie, but now I feel I see through you. Through all the emptiness, that is your word. Through your deceit and more important your lies.

So don't look at me, as if I will ever be as naive. Don't talk to me with thoughtful words. Even if you agree with me, I wont hold that to be true.

You have lost your meaning to me. Was it all just a game? Was I wrong for playing it?

I can no longer trust you...

Is everything the same? No. Can this keep up? No. Can I even have faith in you again?...




No. No Longer.