Monday, June 8, 2009

New Vision... I can see clearly now...

Sugar levels have been under good control for the last few days. Strange things have been happening though. My glasses don't work.

When I put on my glasses my vision is more blurry then without... So, maybe the diabetes kept me from seeing properly.

I feel my energy levels picking up & although I haven't really started working out yet. I've been trying to stay active.

Taking walks and riding my bike.

Feeling alive for the first time.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A really bad week....

Ok.... I'll say it..... THIS WEEK SUCKED!

I know it's Tuesday... but starting from last week Tuesday to today a lot has happened.

I am a firm believer that the bad in our life teaches us how to appreciate the good. We can only go as high as we've gone low.

So last week I had a doctors appointment at 2:15pm. I left work a little early to make it on time. I am not exaggerating at all when I tell you the doctor didn't even get in the office until 5:30. I waited all that time because, well I had some questions that needed answers.

I got in the exam room at about 6pm, and saw the doctor at about 6:15. Since my wait was long I decided to hit him with everything that's been going on. I'll spare you the details though.

It only took a couple of minutes to get a diagnoses... Diabetes. Type 2.

It has been something that's been in the back on my mind for a long time now. I almost think I put off mentioning certain problems because I knew what the outcome would be.

My glucose level was at 432.... and the doctor sent me on my way with a Glucose Meter (Without instructions), and a prescription. Metformin & Glipizide. We also altered my Blood Pressure medication because a water pill when your diabetic is a cruel sick joke.

He didn't even tell me what I should be looking for.... What to do if my sugar was high. Anything. Just eat less carbs and sugar. I'd like to thank my friend Scott Xavier for helping walk me through everything... It would have been a lot scarier without him.

So, I really want to switch doctors.... but he did give me a couple of referrals I'd like to use first. A nutritionist and for some blood work. I also want a follow up visit with him so I can obtain that info for my next doctor.

I think my insurance is going to make me wait 30 days in between switching doctors so I want to be prepared for the wait.

The Friday I started getting this nasty cough... then fever, then runny nose, then an onslaught of symptoms the likes of which I haven't seen since I got Mono at the age of 15.

Saturday found me even worse. The fever had no broken.

I called the insurance and they told me to head to the ER.

ER was another 5 hours of waiting. And after all that they said I was positive with Flu A.

They perscribed me what they would give you for Swine Flu though.

But they did this only because as the nurse proclaimed to me.... there is too much red tape with doing the test for the Swine Flu. She said she wasn't even sure what steps needed to be taken to get this test done anyways. And that a flu is basically a flu. They are all pretty much the same.

By the way... ever have a swab done for the flu? It's horrible... run even if you hear it being mentioned. I mean they jam a Q-tip way up your nose... like I think I forgot who my 4th grade teacher was now.

Anyways... I don't have the swine flu because I am feeling much better. I still have a nasty cough though, but these things could linger for awhile.

I decided I want to take a positive approach to the Diabetes. I will beat it and eventually get off these meds. By the way my sugar is at 94 now.

Special thanks to everyone who has given me love and support in the past week. You guys know who you are, and you'll probably not even read this... But you all Rock!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Memorial Day Weekend...

This memorial day I am filled with a lot of feelings.

It's been blasted all over the web and TV, about the torture that was performed in Gitmo. Water boarding is cruel and unusual punishment that we don't even put our own criminals through. I mean if anyone deserved this wouldn't it be Drew Peterson.

But we don't do such things, because they are cruel tactics.

We will however do it to people that will never be convicted of any crime though. In the last 4 years we have made 3 convictions from Gitmo. That's it 3.

I know that we can't bring to trial somebody from a different country with our laws to determine their guilt... but there should be some kind of trial for these people. Even if they are terrorists. That means that they have won. We have lowered our standards to torture these people.

We as a country have failed.

These are War Crimes.... if not, I'd sure like to know what is.

We should persecute everyone involved. So what if you were the bottom staff that was just following orders... you knew it was wrong.

Hmmmm Job vs Humanity.... I know some people would still pick Job and that sickens me.

I will think of all the people who have given there lives in this and every war. That have fought for my freedom.

I will think of all the people who have died for something that they believe in so I can shout from a mountain that I am a Pagan.

All the people who have helped in making the US.

But I think that we have some explaining to do to the world. Not everyone. Just the ones responsible for this torture.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Being Sick & Awake For All Of It!!!!!!

I'm sure we all hate being sick. Why am I blogging about it at 337am? That's a good question... because I'm still up.

I had a problem with insomnia that would keep me awake all night long when I was younger. I spent my life on 3 hours of sleep a night, if I was lucky. Those days were behind me. I started taking melatonin and it just kinda got my sleeping hours more regular.

Everyday around 11pm my internal clock tells me it's time for sleep. I've been sleeping 6-8 hours a night. I felt great. My anxiety was in check.

Now I'm afraid that this cold might just reset my internal clock to what it was before.

I know it's probably because I am so doped up on cold meds that this is happening, but who knows.

Day #2 of no sleep.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Age Old Debate. Evolution vs Creationism

This is clearly another Science vs Religion debate. Science tells us that without Evolution it would be impossible for life to exist on Earth in the form that it does.

There is countless areas this is proven in the eyes of science.

Although Evolution seems the most logical idea... a friend of mine brought up a very good point. The human eye is so complex in it's nature... How could evolution explain this?

I understand the argument of light sensitive one cell animals...

But that's a huge difference to how the eye focuses in on even the most minimal details.

What about if it's possible for both... Evolution guided by the hand of a god?

Even the Bible supports this train of thought.

If we do not take the Bible literally. To a god, which is immortal, time is not measured in the same way.

So it could be tens of thousands of years to our day. The 7 day creation story? It could have taken millions of years in between days. It supports the idea of evolution.

If a god created the world without Evolution... Why would certain foods be good for some people, but not others. Salt to somebody with Hypertension is almost poison. To others it's be linked to helping control depression. And what about people that are allergic to certain foods.

I am allergic to Milk and Soy... eating them will not kill me. But gives me GERD, Sleep Apnea, etc. While others will die from eating the wrong foods.

Why would a god create an environment that's so unstable.

Everyone would be able to eat the same food with the same response. God created us all equal? Not really.

Just some thoughts.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Essence of People Long Past...

Most of you would probably agree with me that even after somebody is past, you can sometimes feel them.

I had one of those experiences today.

I was driving home, and happened to look off into the distance for a second... and there it was. I felt my mother. I felt her as if she had never passed, and was sitting next to me.

I used to feel my Father when I was younger, but he's been gone for 20 years now.

My Mother, it's been about 10 years now.

But, this was different.

When you haven't seen somebody for 10 years it feels a certain way. Almost nervous mixed with a tingle of excitement.

This felt like I had just seen her yesterday.

I don't really know what to make of this though.

I know it was a message to me. I know that she wanted me to know that she's close. I just don't know why all of a sudden it would hit me like this, but feel as if it's really no big deal. When everytime I would feel my Father it was like I hadn't seen him for some time.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

No Longer

I can no longer trust you.

Not the words that you say. Not the person you are. Not the actions you take. Not the smile that says you care.

I can no longer trust you.

Not that you understand me. Not that you get me. Not that this means anything. Not that you're ok.

I can no longer trust you.

Not that you would come to me if things weren't right. Not that "nothing" means "nothing." Not that you believe in what we had.

But yet you've promised me so much. I really thought you believed in me. I thought that you saw something that others don't.

Every promise you made... how do I know it's real.

It all started with one lie, but now I feel I see through you. Through all the emptiness, that is your word. Through your deceit and more important your lies.

So don't look at me, as if I will ever be as naive. Don't talk to me with thoughtful words. Even if you agree with me, I wont hold that to be true.

You have lost your meaning to me. Was it all just a game? Was I wrong for playing it?

I can no longer trust you...

Is everything the same? No. Can this keep up? No. Can I even have faith in you again?...

No. No Longer.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Your Belief....

Your belief is something that makes you different from anybody else. Nobody has exactly the same beliefs... It's uniquely you.

Your belief is your magickal power that lies within you. Dormant until called upon. The more you believe in something the more power you can give it.

Belief and Energy are the keys... they do not exist without each other & they feed upon each other.

Belief and Truth are not always the same thing.

People fight over beliefs. Wars happen because of beliefs. Men and Woman have died fighting for what they believe in.

Belief makes us do things beyond our own ability.

Belief has been used to create some of the most beautiful pieces of art.

To truly know oneself you must know your beliefs. To thy own self be true... to your beliefs be true.

Friday, March 20, 2009


Blessed Ostsra everyone.

I think I'm ready for winter to be over. I'm ready to go for long walks and get my camping gear in order.

I know a lot of people that have seasonal depression, and I feel for them so bad. I can't wait to see them smile again.

Ostara is a fertility holiday. Pastel colors to remind us of the fresh new spring. Celebrate today by eating and giving out eggs.

If the weather permits in your area try to get outside and breathe in the fresh air we've been so missing. In the next few weeks make sure to take a nice nature hike. Look for the first budding on the trees and the spring flowers starting to bloom.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

New Man in the Seat...

I want to start this off saying how much I like Obama. How much hope I have in my heart that our country becomes his vision.

I respect his views... Even the ones I don't agree with.

I think he was a great choice for President during this time of need. I think he is exactly what we needed.

I say all of this first so you know I stand behind him 100%. I am just a little nervous. I am nervous that there is a tremendous amount of hype right now. Is it possible for this man to live up to all of it? I'm not sure.

When have you seen presidential bling being pettled at Walgreen's? I have seen so many hats, scarfs, pins, and plates that I am stunned.

I will light a candle tonight. A candle to give him strength, wisdom, and true sight in the days to come.

What I can say is, watching him today and listening to every word he spoke... I have never seen so many people like myself that are filled with hope, and joy that we are changing.

Can we change?
Yes we can...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Everyday is a Winding Road

An Alaskan Arctic blast has hit Chicago. Somedays it makes it colder here then in Alaska.

This cold brings with it a tough week. And the cold that's outside doesn't just stay there... it's felt inside too. This is not a cold you can just turn up the heat for, as it's internal.

Now when I say tough, I know there are a lot of less fortunate people in the world. I understand that it's like the spoiled kid crying that he needs to have another toy. I get that. But this is about how I feel.

This week started with news that a friend from work passed away. She was an amazing person that even in hard times would always manage to smile. A smile to me, means more then words as it shows the true person.

You can always tell when somebody is faking a smile, but sometimes it's harder with words. So, I hold that to be more of a reflection of somebody's true character. Beyond all the walls we put up.

I am glad to have known her. She helped me out in my job countless times, because she started right before me. And the mistakes I was going to make, she wouldn't just warn me she would explain why.

She's a great person. Who was way to young to have life taken from her. I'm gonna miss you Sandy D.

At work I learned a valuable lesson. I want to bring excitement into my job. I train people, and sometimes trainings can be a little slow, and let's face it boring. So I went into this job with this motive.

I learned that to do that I need some experience training first.

I always plan little games, and exciting things to do... but this week a trainee of mine told me that the class thinks it's a little slow and therefor boring.

I was a little upset, but felt happy that they could tell me this. But even though I've been doing this 6 months it's a completely new lesson that I've been given to present. And, I'm being watched by somebody to make sure I am training the right stuff.

So, I was trying to think of what I could do to switch it up.... and have implemented a few changes that I hope will bring more life into it... But, they are getting paid to learn. As such they need to realize that, and cut me some slack.

I will try to be better, and make a difference but I don't feel as much pressure now. I have spoke with my trainer and my boss about it and they both agree with me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why blog?

Why blog?

So glad you asked that. ;)

I've been a believer in blogging for a long time now. It's open journaling. Marks the small milestones that most people (including myself) would forget if not written some place.

It organizes my thoughts. Catalogs my ideas. Highlights the inner feelings, of myself and those close to me.

It allows for a way to express my emotions. So, it's theraputic. By writing these things down we free ourselves of worry and doubt.

It becomes the modern "Dear Diary".

I am a long time supporter of blogging. My first experience was with the early beta stages of Yahoo 360.

It was so easy to do. But I didn't do it often enough.

Myspace allowed me an easy access to blogging. I was on myspace all the time anyways.

It was great but again didn't do it enough.

Then I got blog software for my site & blogged pretty good. Although still not enough, it was more often then anything else I was on.

Now I'm hoping because I can blog right from my phone that I'll do it more. I got lots of ideas of what to blog. Now I need only do it.
-- Post From My iPhone

iPhone test...

Just testing out my iPhone on this. I'm just amazed at how far technology has come. The Internet has changed everyones life in many ways.

Yes sometimes for the good, and sometimes for the bad.

I often reflect on how technology has made life easier and we become slaves to it all at the same time.

I wouldn't have it any other way as I am a teknogeek. ;)

-- Post From My iPhone

First Post

Well the first post should let you know who I am, and what I do. Just so the rest of my posts make sense.

HOA started as the center for our pagan community over 8 years ago. It has outgrown even itself now. So, the community aspect moved to where it can grow as it should. is now a resource page. Where you can learn and grow.

I am the creator and webmaster of both, and I love being a part of it. It's my way of giving back to a community that has helped me so much become the person I am today.

Professional Life

I have been working in blood banking for over 11 years now. 5 years for one blood bank, and have been working at another for the last 6 years.

I started off drawing blood, but now I train people how to draw blood. It's the most rewarding job that I've ever had. Although, it's not without it's stresses. I actually like going into work each day. Which is something that I never really had.

Personal Life

I am currently going through a divorce. Set for pre-trial on 04/14/2009. Hopefully everything works out then.

Divorce wasn't something that I ever wanted in my life, and it was something that I was very against... But, I know now that sometimes it's for the happiness of those involved. Happiness is not something to take lightly. It's something we must all strive for.

My life is not totally without problems now, but I think I am heading in the right direction. As I realize more and more that life is about patterns to a degree... we must learn our patterns and keep doing the ones that allow us happiness and stop the ones that stop it.

My Father passed away when I was 13 of pancreatic cancer. My Mother passed away when I was 25 of a cerebral accident. So, I don't really have much family.

Family has become more then just blood to me. I consider the closest people in my life... My family. Some of which are blood, others are not.

I enjoy watching sports and camping. Anything that allows me to hang out with my friends.

I relieve the stresses of my day by singing and playing guitar. It's my meditation. My way of drifting from the now into the whatever. It's real magick to me. As it takes a stressed out me and makes me better.